Sometimes People Suck.

Not all the time, but sometimes. I'll give you a good long blog about all the scrambling about I've been doing over the past week, but for now I just want to vent a little. That's what the internet is for, right? Right.

Now that we're all on the same page let me start by saying that I'm sure none of you people suck. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know most of you reading this and I don't purposely associate myself with suckiness, lameness, fakery, egotism, or jerk-titude. And yes, according to spell-check I made up 60% of those words.

Don't get me wrong, we all have our days. I can be downright unpleasant to be around sometimes, but I don't think I'm mean, or at least I don't try to be.

If you're wondering if I'm just babbling, let me explain. As most of you know, I work in retail bookstore as a necessary side project to keep me in yarn and felt. Working retail comes with the understanding that sometimes the people you run into are having bad days and don't want to talk to you. Fine with me. I've been in the same boat. These aren't the people that concern me. Usually they say "No thanks" and are on their way.

However, there's a special place in hell for the small percentage of the population who feel it's their God-given right to treat people like crap and expect to be rewarded for it. The truly awful part is that they very often are. Everyone's heard the saying, "The customer's always right." Oh, how that saying is the bane of my working life. If that phrase comes into play it usually means the exact opposite: the customer is completely wrong but wants what they want and thinks that screaming at enough peons will do the job, and it usually does.

Let me tell you why I'm ranting about this. Today I had a woman accuse me/the company I work for of emailing customers coupons that don't work just to get them into the store to buy something. When I explained to her that the coupon would work if she could just give me the proper phone number associated with the account so the register would accept the coupon she told me to stop talking and to "wipe that look off [my] face". I'm assuming the look she meant was me biting my lip to stop myself from saying something I'd regret.

Let's pause here for a minute to evaluate the situation from this woman's point of view. You're in a store, talking to a complete stranger, you're getting a little frustrated, and before pausing to even think that the person you're talking to has no control over the policies of a huge corporation, you start verbally bitch-slapping them.

Okay, let's pick it back up. It's at this point in the conversation that I've decided to stop trying to placate this person and start defending myself. I say in a very direct, firm tone, "please don't speak to me like that." I'm not screaming at her, I'm not accusing her of anything, I just want her to treat me like a human being and not the grime under her finger-nails. In my experience, the direct honest approach works about 75% of the time. Perhaps the customer is taken aback by your bluntness and obvious unwilling-ness to take crap from them. Perhaps they even realize that they've been a total ass and are only making themselves look bad. Whatever the reasons, it did not work in this case.

While violently slamming her credit card on the counter she screams, "I told you to stop talking. Now just ring up the damn book".

I repeat, "Ma'am, there's no reason to speak to me that way."

Then, here it comes, the inevitable, "What's the name of your supervisor, JENNY?!" As if my daring to ask her to speak in the tone, volume, and level of sanity of a normal human being were breaking some unspoken retail barrier where you, the worker, are meant to assume that every word out of their, the shopper's, mouth was ordained by God and must be obeyed accordingly lest you be smote by the molten fires of His wrath.

What most people don't know is that it's almost impossible for a customer to get an employee fired or even reprimanded beyond a light, "Maybe next time you should just pass it off to a manager." I've never seen anyone lose a job this way. A manager/supervisor has likely been working in retail for quite a while and has seen their share of crazies. They know it's part of the business and are far more likely to believe an employee they've known for a while than stranger whose raving like a banshee at them.

Anyway, you have to take it in stride, and it won't have any long-term effects. I just felt like getting it out of my system. Also, although I know none of you are jerks, if you're ever in a situation at a retail store where you can feel yourself becoming frustrated about something, stop and think about what you're doing and who you're talking to. More likely than not the store clerk has no power and yelling at them for something beyond their control will only make you look like an ass. If you feel strongly enough about the situation, politely ask to see a manager who will probably give you what you want because that's what they're paid to do.

That's my rant.

Tip your servers.

Vintage Delights

I love shopping handmade on Etsy, but there's also another equally awesome group of sellers who devote their lives to hunting down those dusty gems and bringing them to light. Here are some treasures I found . . .



I've become somewhat obsessed with these vintage pyrex Cinderella bowls. My sister and I bought a set for my mom for Christmas in a different pattern. This is probably my favorite pattern/color combination. The pattern is called Amish Butterprint and is super adorable. You can get this set for yourself (or me) at Jen's Closet.



I love these little yellow kitchen containers. If I had any counter space I would get them for myself. Find them at the Art Deco
Dame's shop.



Come on, this is adoorbale, right? It might even fit me. Maybe. Even a size 13from the 60s might be bit snug. I tried on my grandmother's gorgeous wedding dress which was labeled a size 8 or 10 I think. I couldn't even get a leg in it. It's a dress. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea. Find this awesome dress here.



I think this little jacket would look amazing on the right person. It's pretty Victorian, but I think you could turn it really modern with the right look. Find it here.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy my picks. I'll be back blogging soon with some original stuff and some pics of my new "studio".

Among the Bearded Ones

Probably not many of you will ever get to experience hair growth to the level of obsession, but I'm one of the lucky ones. For the last four months my lovely Tim has participated in what can best be described as a social networking site for beard growers (Whiskerino.org). The challenge: shave your face clean at the end of October and let it grow. The goal: No trimming, shaving, or cutting for four months while posting a photo of your progressive beard growth at least once a week.

At last the saga is almost over, and somehow I was conned into to accompanying said boyfriend to the ultimate beard party of the century. It was definitely an interesting time filled with lots of eating and drinking, lots of beard admiring, some good music, ridiculous amounts of photography, and a stuffed sheep named Roy who came home with us when Tim insisted on buying him for me after an excessive amount of "celebrating".



The last day was relatively beard free although there were two amazing and unplanned beard run-ins throughout the city. We hung around Nashville for a while and ate some awesome brunch at a place called Marche which I'd highly recommend if you're ever in the area. I tried to drink a cup of the house-made hot chocolate but it was way too thick and rich to finish after having gorged myself on some delicious pastries followed by scrumptious french toast.



Good times were had by all.

Thanks for the memories, Nashville.

Felt-Up #2

Success! Sort of. Ok, maybe not success per se, but better than last time, right? Right. I knew you'd agree with me. I actually think the gray looks rather sophisticated. And, although the lace pattern didn't show up as visibly as maybe I was planning, I think it adds a nice textural flare. Blah blah blah.



Anyway, I sent it to Detroit so you Detroiters should go to City Bird and buy it. All of you buy it!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the hilarious train of badly felted items is chugging along and some pretty awful things are beginning to accumulate around my house. For example, this "hat" which resembles something like a tea cozy and I didn't even use a pattern for, thank you very much! I think I'd better just toss it, but if growing up during the great depression taught me anything, it was to eat anything I can find and don't throw anything away. So, any suggestions for what I should do with this?



Here's what I've come up with: pillow, cat saddle. Okay, that's it.



I've actually started to enjoy getting ideas from other people and using them as my own, so anything you guys could come up with would be much appreciated.


Cat stare:

And the Winner is . . .

MIKE!

I thought there were a lot of awesomely hilarious suggestions, but I really liked the idea of this crab being in a business meeting, maybe wearing a suit, especially with the way his arms (claws) are folded.

I'll probably have more contests in the future so visit often to see what's new and what you could win.

Mike, I'll get your crab drawing to you very shortly.

Crab Say What?

Ok, this is all you, readers. And by readers I mean my sister and my boyfriend if I tell him to. You've gotta help me out here. As you probably know if you're one of the two people previously mentioned, I've been working on a series of animal drawings in which the animal depicted is saying something completely out of context and thus hilarious. The hippo and bear are some examples of what I've done in the past.


So here's the deal. I've got this crab here and he's drawings a blank. Please leave a comment with the funny thing you think the crab should be saying. If I pick you, I'll send you the original drawing with your saying added. I will also be making these into cards and prints so you're saying will be famous! FAMOUS! Here's the crab so get going being hilarious and get back to me soon. I'll give you until Thursday at midnight to submit something. Ok, go!

Felt-Up #1

So I believe I mentioned in a previous blog that I was planning on experimenting with some felting techniques. Well, the results have started filing in and let me tell you, I'm far more capable of making something truly ugly than I ever thought possible.

I mean, let's be truthful, I've made some ugly things in my life. I have some art school horrors hiding out in a box in my closet, hiding from the light of day. However, I'm not sure if I've ever worked so hard to make something that's trying itself so hard to be cute, but falls short so drastically. This is what an awesome felted scarf is supposed to look like . . .

This is what the turd that I came up with looks like, keeping in mind that I tried to photograph it in as pleasing a light as possible . . .

I know what you're thinking. That doesn't look that bad. I might wear that on a day that I'm not going to see anyone I know. Here are some things to note: it's too short. It shrunk much more than I thought it would so it won't even fit around your neck a few times. Also, the little bobbles aren't really evenly placed so there's a sort of pattern but not really. Plus, it's brown, which I usually like, but in this case increases the turd factor by a degree of at least 17.5.

Don't pity me though. This useless swath of thick wool gives me a glimmer of hope for the future. It's strengthened my resolve to move ahead pig-headedly, despite all signs that I will fail miserably and waste lots of yarn.

If you can think of anything I can do with this please comment and let me know. Possibilities have thus far included; lining for cat bed, firewood carrier, abstract wall art, loin cloth, "fashion sling".

Cat: